It was one of those late autumn days.  The air was quite cool, and the sky overcast.  Most of the leaves were off the trees.  Three of us were horseback riding down an old carriage trail.  The lead rider was about three horse lengths ahead and she had stopped and turned her horse to face us. 

The other rider and I rode abreast of each other.  As we approached the leader, the trail branched off to our left and in the fork of the trail stood a large black wolf.   The rider to my left was frightened and unable to calm her horse enough to ride past the wolf.  She would not finish the ride.  However, I wished to continue and that meant I had to get past the wolf.  I could feel my horse quivering with nerves and fear.  I too was afraid.  Yet, I was able to keep my head and squeezed my legs firmly against my horse’s sides, gently reined her to the right and urged her forward past the wolf.  As we came up next to the wolf, our nerves suddenly disappeared, and we calmly continued walking past the wolf.  Now, we stood face to face with the lead rider and as I looked at her, she smiled at me.  She said, “Good job! You kept your head and helped your horse keep hers!”  I was so proud of my achievement and proud of my horse for having trusted me.  The trail ahead was clear and open to us, and forward we rode.

Of course, it was at this point that I woke up and it took me a moment to realize that I had been dreaming this wonderful dream.  I got up and began my day, but the image of that big black wolf stayed with me all day.  As I stood at the kitchen sink rinsing dishes, I gazed out the window and let my mind wander.  Instead of seeing the back yard, I found I was looking at the wolf.  Later, as I sat knitting, the image of the wolf found its way into my thoughts.  I began researching the imagery and symbolism of a black wolf, but nothing I read seemed a good fit for how the wolf had made me feel.  So, I sat quietly and let my mind’s eye go back to my dream and this time, I studied the wolf.  As I reflected on the image, it occurred to me that the wolf was both symbolic and delivering a message.

I replayed the chain of events in my dream and realized the wolf was not interested in attacking or chasing us.  He simply stood-stock still and watched as we passed.  He didn’t engage in predatorial posturing, in fact, I sensed he was more interested in having me stop and stand still with him.  WOW!  Suddenly, the light bulb came on! 

The black wolf represented those obstacles and stumbling blocks in my life that I had continually allowed to waylay me and keep me from accomplishing various goals over the years.  How often had I allowed fear to stop me in my tracks.  The black wolf’s message was clear; ride past obstacles with calm and confidence, be the leader others need you to be; fear is a primal emotion that can be tempered when cloaked with the mantle of courage.

The accomplishment I felt as my horse and I rode past the wolf filled me entirely with joy and pride.  I will endeavor to translate the wolf’s message directly into my life.  Perhaps I can use my riding experience to help me navigate the obstacles I find myself faced with from time to time.  Sure, I’ve demonstrated courage and practiced faith and perseverance during my life, but it now occurs to me that for the most part I struggled greatly with fear and was adept at avoiding situations that presented obstacles.  How often had I stopped traveling a certain path because of an obstacle, because of fear? 

For example, several months ago, I had open heart surgery following a diagnosis of congestive heart failure.  My recovery has been steady and smooth, albeit slow.  Once the doctors gave me the green light to begin lifting more than 30 pounds and to begin riding again, the black wolf appeared.  I was afraid to take various weighty chores back on, I was afraid to ride.  What if I tore the wiring in my sternum, what if I fell off my horse?  Valid concerns granted, but my fear delayed my progress.  Where caution has been called for, I employed avoidance.  I did begin lifting heavier items, and I did begin riding again, but I could have been doing so much more.

As I write this, I’m thinking of how up to this point, getting past obstacles was more a matter of closing my eyes and jumping off into what felt like oblivion.  If I now choose to move past obstacles with eyes wide open, a calm head, and steady hands, I think I’ll find life becomes less scary and the journey steady and uninterrupted. 

Just as I became the leader for my horse, I must be the leader of my own life.  I can take charge of how I react to obstacles.  I can direct how I respond to the obstacles.

The black wolf really did want me to stop and stand still with him.  When fear overtakes us and derails us from the trail we wish to travel, we are often left standing still, watching the world go by.  We become observers, not participants.  I know that’s what happened to me.  This business of standing still can be a lonely existence.

Several weeks ago, I had prayed for guidance and how to move forward with my life.  I had begun to feel that I was at a standstill.  I had become afraid to do almost anything for not knowing what to do!  Funny thing about that black wolf, until I dreamt about him, I had never seen him before, I had only felt his presence.  Now that I’ve seen him, I realize just how familiar he is to me.  But, from now on, when I do encounter an obstacle, I’ll see the black wolf and he’ll be a guiding sign, something for me to be aware of and acknowledge, but not to tarry and stand still with.

And, oh yeah, that other rider in my dream, she had always remained in the shadows, and it was not clear to me who it was.  I think that the rider was the me that used to be, the me that would not move forward, the me that knew only fear and interrupted journeys.  I have a feeling that the rider won’t be joining me again. 

Christmas is only a week away, and I have just received two beautiful gifts.  Insight and guidance; truly powerful gifts!  I’m gathering my thoughts, taking hold of the reins, and moving forward.  I’m lifting and moving thirty plus pounds regularly, I’m riding more, and I’m writing more often now.  I wish you could see the smile on my face.  It feels good to be traveling my life’s trail.

Poor black wolf, lucky me!